Today, I'm officially unveiling my first group coaching program, Treat Yourself. I could possibly be biased, but personally, I think it's AMAZING. You can read all about it right over here

But I've gotten a few rather pointed inquiries... how the hell is self kindness related to sex??? 

It does seem a little like a deviation from my usual spiel. But I promise, it's not. 

See, having a fantastic sexual experience requires you to get out of your head. You have to put your brain on the shelf for awhile, and actually *gasp* ENJOY yourself. Most importantly, you have to let go.
photo credit: admitchell08 via photopin cc
You have to let go of all your insecurities about your body. What you look like, what you sound like, possibly the weird scrunchy thing you're doing with your nose.... Because right now, in this moment? It's all perfect.

You have to let go of all your fears of inadequacy. You're having sex, right? That automatically makes you more than adequate.

You have to let go of all your worries--the mundane, the magical, and everything in between. The electric bill can get paid tomorrow. The kids really are sleeping. In THIS place, all that matters is the spark of connection between you and your partner. 

And the biggie....

You have to let go of the process. The getting there. Worrying about your orgasm is quite possibly the quickest way to derail it. 

Look, sex is the ultimate act of self love. It's a gift you give to your partner, sure, but it's also one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Great sex increases endorphin production, and floods your body with all those feel good hormones like serotonin and oxytocin. So that's good, yeah?


A rather sizable number of my clients have confessed to me that the most difficult part of getting into the mood and enjoying sex is that they can't shut their brains OFF. They just can't seem to let go of all that stuff up there. They want to. They just don't know how.

And that's where self kindness comes in. Perhaps the most fundamental part of treating yourself with kindness comes with learning how to banish the negative voices in your head. I've been practicing self kindness for years, but it was only within the last year that I really figured out the impact of all that negative self talk. 

The worst part is that negative self talk is subconsciously reinforced, constantly. Americans especially believe that it's motivating, when in fact, the opposite is true. Negative self talk increases adrenaline and cortisol, the same hormones that are activated during a fight-or-flight response. It's the equivalent of punching yourself in the gut. Do you fight? Do you run away and hide? And you do this ALL DAY. EVERY DAY. TO YOURSELF.

Meanwhile, positive self talk (also known as, uh, praise), increases production of serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine. Sound familiar? Yeah, being NICE to yourself has all the same feel good stuff as an orgasm. Why would you ever say no to that?

How you talk to yourself impacts EVERYTHING, but most especially your sex life. But. And there's a big but here. Learning how to modify your self talk is the work of a lifetime. You've been programmed to think this way. If you're interested in exploring this topic on your own, I strongly recommend you start with the work of Kristin Neff and Brene Brown. Their TED talks in particular, are an easy, accessible place to start. 

However, my guess is, for a lot of you, all of this is just simply TOO overwhelming. The good news is, I've done all the research for you, and I've put together a program that will teach you not just how to banish the negative voices, but also how and what to replace them with. I've also designed a couple of fiendishly clever ways to help keep you on track, so that when the voices inevitably come back, you have weapons to fight them with. 

You can do this. And the best part is, you DON'T have to do it alone. Let me show you the way to a happier, sexier, kinder, you.

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    Hi There!

    I'm Briar. I make talking about sex fun. Almost as fun as actually having sex. Almost.


    Self Kindness